WHY?!?
LOVE IS SO UNFAIR!!!
It fucking hurts....
I only watch him from afar now....
I haven't spoken to him...
Haha, he doesn't even see me staring at him for long periods of time when I can...
He's so nice, and funny, and awesome...
Even though he hasn't done anything at all to torment me...
I still am tormented.
By longing.
For him....
It hurts...
I've been experimenting with BabelFish right now...
I'll list the way 'broken heart' is written in different languages...
If it translates to 'broken heart' and then when I translate it back, it is still 'broken heart' then I will put it here.
Coração quebrado. Portuguese.
Gebroken Hart Dutch (this is pretty easy to tell it'll translate back...)
Coeur cassé French.
(German and Chinese don't translate, Chinese when I translate back it's 'sad' and German gives me 'defected heart'.)
Σπασμένη καρδιά Greek.
Cuore rotto Italian.
失恋 Japanese (technically, it translated into unrequited love..... which is even better.)
실연 Korean.
Сломленное сердце Russian.
Corazón quebrado Spanish.
... Spanish and Portuguese are similar...
But still...
Love is so unfair!
Not even a heads-up call, just wham! you start feeling strange, confusing, random feelings about a boy.
And then...
And then...
This is possibly the worst choice my heart could ever take...
I hardly speak to this guy!
And even worse!
I might move soon!
And not even get to see him for the rest of the year!
And if I do get to stay here...
I won't...
See him after this year, probably...
Because...
He'll....
Probably go to....
The other high school.
And then...
My heart....
Will be nothing but a faint memory and a handful...
Of tiny, dust sized, but somehow sharp shards...
I hate how I just fell in love like that....
If Love were a sentient being, I would want to do something about it...
Making girls love boys...
And then making the boys ditch the girls.
Or, technically, vice-versa could work too...
Why...
Must we...
Be in so much pain...
For the sake of a boy?
A boy, of all things!
Boys are...
Pigs.
Idiots.
Meanies.
Bullies.
Dense.
Dull.
And stupid.
In general...
But somehow...
The person...
Who I like....
Doesn't seem that way...
He's nice, and funny, and smart... he got 63rd place in the MathCounts competition out of 250. I didn't even make it to where I would be mentioned at all on the school website.
He's too damn perfect.
He's too amazing, too perfect,
For an idiot,
Like me.
I'm so stupid...
Letting myself fantasize...
About maybe him returning my feelings.
That's just plain stupid of me....
Because...
I'm only...
Digger a deeper pit for myself.
He would never want to be with
Someone like me.
Someone who's an idiot, who's self absorbed,
Who can hardly think straight because of a BOY,
Who is ugly,
And stupid.
Such a perfect person as him,
Wouldn't,
Shouldn't,
Notice a fool like me.
Right?
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........Rebecca, you are worth it. First of all, you are not ugly...I've actually envied you multiple times. YOU ARE NOT STUPID.....You're one of the smartest people I know. Yes, you are kinda self-absorbed in your angst and not noticing that people love you, but that's fine. I was like that too. Please try to not let Valorona see it. She'd be like "STOP IT! You're scaring me!" Which totally doesn't help because she just wants us to bottle it up and we need to talk about it or it'll explode....Yeah....Love sucks. I've lost sleep over someone...you can guess who. All I can say(I know it doesn't help) is that if he doesn't want you, he's not worth it(I know, crappy advice and you want to glare at me and say that you really want him no matter what...)
ReplyDeleteI am most certainly not worth it. For one thing, pretty much my only good asset in looks is my hair (So long and black and pretty!) but the rest of me is pretty much bleh. My cheeks are poofy..... I AM STUPID.... I didn't even place in a spot worth mentioning in MathCounts......
ReplyDeleteIf I'm so self absorbed in my angst, then how do I notice the suffering of others? That's pretty much my whole reason for living right now, because so many other people are suffering...
I also lost sleep because of the 8th grade crush.... it pisses me off... I don't even want to love him..... but my heart is stupid and keeps loving him....
The advice would be good if it weren't love... love is the basis of eternal painful loyalty....
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!
ReplyDeleteYou said that you're self absorbed, then you say that you're not.
You kinda are because you are morbid and don't try to get over it, and are thinking of others before thinking of getting YOU into a healthier position, which, by the way, is TOTALLY POSSIBLE!
I've done it.
Name one angsty thing you've been through and I haven't.
Do you need me to argue with you about your LOOKS? AND YOUR WORTHINESS AS A HUMAN BEING?
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS CERTAINLY AN ALL TIME LOW! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!
I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to understand that I feel that way. You don't need to do anything about it but just understand.
ReplyDeleteSomething angsty I've been through that you haven't? Being accused for throwing rocks at people. Someone framed me. I tried to cut myself in 4th grade because of that. Of course, I didn't really understand the concept of cutting then and just thought I could cut anywhere... I cut myself on upper arm because I couldn't afford to let anyone see the cut.
There's more too, but that's one, and you said one.
.....I've been accused of that!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd did you cut yourself about 3 times on the upper arm from that?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, no one ever caught the rock-thrower, so everyone has blamed me since, and I'm the prime suspect because apparently one of the people I hate (Not Evan) got hit square in the forehead and started bleeding, making it a serious offense.
Do you want another one?
In first grade
I used to have
a bunch of friends.
They were perfectly nice,
Until a new girl came.
And then, guess what?
When I asked if I could sit by them at lunch (I always ask, since it's polite) GUESS WHAT THEY SAID?!?
"No, you're too stupid and mentally retarded to sit with us. And plus, we have too many people now. 5 people were plenty, but Amanda (I'm making up a new name for her, since otherwise she might get stalked...) will make 6, which is too big, so we need to get rid of one. And you're the worst, so piss off! (Seriously, she said 'piss off' when she was a first grader. That's the first time that I ever heard the word piss.)"
Is that good enough for you? -becoming sadistic-