Who the fuck am I?

Who am I? What is my facade? My facade used to be my happy self, but now I've had to use it so much, it feels like it practically is me!

Am I the happy, cheery girl I am trying to be at school?
Am I a bloodthirsty person, like I sometimes feel?
Am I this lonely person, ignored by friends, lost in the crowd?
Am I this angsty person, lost in my hate and pain and forever almost alone?
Am I this jealous girl, always wanting to be best and often nearly willing to hurt to be so?
Am I this dreamer, lost in her fantasies, unable to change the real world?

And there's more to that, but I cut it off... cuz I didn't feel like typing more.

I'm so jealous... and ashamed of myself...

You know what? I'm really jealous... a girl from school who I will refer to as K flirts with him... *sigh* And also, a bunch of other things... quick sort-of poem here:

I hate myself.
I hate the way I watch him.
I hate the way I love him, but can't do anything.
I hate the way that I'm sometimes vain.
I hate the way that I stare in a mirror, wanting to be perfect.
I hate the way that I am not perfect.
I hate the way that I want to be perfect.
I hate the way that I hate myself.
I hate the way that I act rude.
I hate the way that I look down on others.
I hate the way that I watch others suffer.
I hate the way that I can't do anything to help.
I hate the way that I feel jealous.
I hate the way that I envy those better than me.
I hate the way that I feel that I want to drag them down.
I hate the way that I begin to think like that.
I hate the way that I have to wage war with myself.
I hate the way that I can't control my jealousy.
I hate the way that I can't control my hate.
I hate the way that I hate others.
I hate the way that I hate myself.
I hate the way that I am such an idiot.
I hate the way that I am blind to the obvious.
I hate the way that I can't stop hating.
I hate eternally.