This is messed up...

Guess what? A few days ago, I was going upstairs to grab something, and we had visitors downstairs, and my dad was talking about the fucking parent-teacher conference. I was planning on staying upstairs for a short while, not too long, just long enough to wait out the storm. And then, while I was going upstairs, guess what my dad said?

"You need to start focusing on your schoolwork, Rebecca. Right now, you're embarrasing us."

Yeah, he really said that. He said, in front of company, that my performance at school was embarrasing him.

WHAT KIND OF BITCHY PARENT CALLS THEIR KID EMBARRASING IN FRONT OF COMPANY?!?

It really, really, pissed me off. So, naturally, I stayed upstairs for the rest of the time the visitors were here. And then my dad was like, "You were so rude to our guests, you should have come downstairs again." Me, rude? Who's the rude one here? Hello? And then my mom said, "You should have a punishment, but we'll go lightly this time and let you have no punishment." I deserve punishment? When the reason I stayed upstairs was because my goddamned dad had to go and call me fucking embarrasing?

I haven't been able to update recently. I was drowning in angst for the past few days, and I was unable to get to the computer, so my angst was festering inside of me. Now I need to let it out.

It's retarded. The reason I don't finish schoolwork is because of what I said in my first post. I don't want my mom to act disappointed. Then she tells me to go to bed. Then I don't have any time to finish homework. And if I tell her I'm not finished, she'll go like, I'm very disappointed in you, you should have been finished, and then every 20 seconds, she goes, "Are you done yet?"

There's so much angst in my life, I wish I could die. I wish for that very often. But I force myself to hang on. Because I have a goal to accomplish. Because I don't want loved ones to grieve. And most of all, because I have a friend who is in an even worse predicament than me, although it's the same type of predicament, and I can't just leave her to be practically dying from the emotional pain with only a school counseler to comfort her.

btw, Alanna, you can tell people to come to my blog if they want to read angst. It'll ease the traffic on you and I can't be affected by your friends/enemies/neutral people in the outer world.