My most recent dream...

Last night, I had a terrible dream. I had commited suicide by slitting my throat, and there was a ceremony at school to remember me, a few days before the real funeral. All the kids from my school were there, and everyone was all 'cry-y' and 'sad' and stuff, but a lot of it was fake. I could tell. Then my spirit manifested itself in the center of the crowd, but only the kids could see it/me. I was extremely pale, my eyes were frighteningly red, and I had a faint blue-silver aura. And I/it went around, and asked people if they would go to my funeral.

However, everyone had something extremely important that day. There was a giant play, and if they did well at that play, they would get to go to Hollywood and have it recorded and have movie stars watch it and they'd be famous. There was also a soccer game, and there would be scouts there, watching for people who would have the talent to go to a national team and play against the best players in the world. And other things like that. Extremely important things for the others' futures.

So my spirit went around, and asked every kid that I know. Almost all of them chose to go to the important thing to them, rather than my funeral. And after the person in the front finished speaking, all the adults went away, but the kids stayed, and I went up to the podium.

I've been watching this all from a different point of view. Like, I was seperate from my body/spirit. And it's still that way.

My spirit said, "I understand. Your futures are more important than the fact that I'm going to pass into whatever is after death. I understand." And I had the saddest expression on my face, so sad it almost broke my heart, even though technically I would be the person breaking my heart then... which doesn't make sense. Anyways, I looked so sad... and then I faded away. Well, the spirit-me faded away. The me watching was still there. And I saw everyone look guilty for a few moments, then they filed out of the cafetorium (auditorium+cafeteria) and started chatting excitedly about the big event that would happen for them.

Which shows me that I am not an important person to these people. Really, though, I already understood this. To most people, I am just a shadow who happens to flit by at any random moment. I'm neither important nor interesting nor charming. I am simply... nothing. :( And the weird thing is, I think I'm better known in my 8th grade Algebra class, even though I'm a seventh grader, because I did very well on all the tests and I completed a 50 question worksheet in less than 10 minutes that was on a brand-new subject, and because in a Challenger/Challengee game (A person's name is picked out of a bag. They challenge a person. They compete doing a math problem. Whoever wins gets to pick the next name out of the bag.) and I was picked... I didn't know who to challenge, so they all told me to challenge the person who was best at math there... and I beat him by a fraction of a second. LITERALLY. The question was 3 to the negative 4th power.

On the subject of that person... He's... one of my minicrushes... although... that's another topic I'd wanted to talk about... He's really nice... and funny... and cute... and smart... and... tall.
-sweatdrop- But seriously, he's awesome! And call me stupid, but when I was on Quizilla (that's what it's called, isn't it?) I did a quiz called, "Who's the Guy of your Dreams?" Or something like that... anyways, it gave me: Sarcastic Sweet-heart
The guy of your dreams makes you smile when your down. He's the funniest thing in your life, and I don't mean funny looking. When something is bothering you, you go to him first because he cheers you up like no one else can.

And... he fits the description almost perfectly.

I took the quiz again, and varied a few of my answers to next best, and got: Care Giver
Your dream guy is loving and kind. unfortunatly, at first you were a little afriad of him because he wears a lot of black. You enjoy spending time with him, at your house or his. You don't go on fancy dates but just being with him makes your heart flutter.

And I was afraid of him, although because he's SO FREAKING TALL!!! ... Then again, all the eighth graders are tall... maybe I was just overreacting when I first saw him, but...

I first saw him, in fact, at an orchestra concert. After we had played (we being 7th graders, by the way, just something random, the eighth graders call the seventh grade kids who go to eighth grade algebra 'sevvies') The eighth graders played, and while they were waiting for something, the principal said something along the lines of :"Well, while we're waiting, why don't we crack a few jokes? ...I know, I can always count on *His name here* to be funny! -gives microphone to him-" And then he stood up, and he was sooo tall! He plays cello. I highly doubt he noticed me, considering I was one in a hundred. And that was obviously to be expected......

Then I thought I would only see him at orchestra concerts, but then I got into 8th grade Algebra... and lo and behold! He was in the class I went to. :O :P Then all the other stuff happened, and the day before yesterday was the day when the little competition was, and also......... I had MathCounts after school that day. On MathCounts, we are a team of elite (sort of, haha) mathematicians. We're going to go to the competition this weekend. Anyways, he's part of the team, too. However, I can only remember 2 sessions when he'd been actually at the meetings. The day when we tested to see who'd be on the team and who'd be doing single problems and who'd be the alternate. Me and another person (a boy) got the highest score on that test, we both tied with 17 points. And since the team round was most important, I was on the team, the person who'd tied with me was on the team, another girl was on the team... and he was on the team. Then we had several singles, and one alternate.

Then, last session, he'd come. He's a huge joker :D whenever he can, he makes people laugh. And at the session, I didn't know most of the necessary formulas, because when I'd gone to 8th grade Algebra, I'd skipped most of 7th grade math, and although I can calculate really well (I calculated 6 to the fourth power in my head really fast one time) There's no point if you can calculate well if you can't figure out what you need to calculate. So I almost started crying... but I wouldn't let myself. I told the teacher that I didn't know the formulas, (privately) and she said she'd print out a page of formulas for me, and then when we went over the answers, he joked around, and the teacher said, "Be careful, Rebecca is feeling kinda uncertain on these problems." And he said, "Don't worry! I make her laugh. I make her smile." And the teacher said, "Well, that's good." And obviously what he said made me think of the quiz.

He does make me laugh and smile. He makes me feel really really happy. I enjoy being near him. I'm worried that this minicrush might actually be developing into a real crush. But the big problem is, he might go to a different high school than me... And also, I only see him at Algebra class and at MathCounts. So I don't even know if he already has a girlfriend! And I think he probably does. He's the kind of boy that will attract a lot of females... So I'm trying to stop the minicrush from growing. But it's getting hard.