A Lamentation on the loss of Childhood...

Last night, I was laying in bed, tossing and turning. I thought about how I want things to be the way they had been years ago. I wish that it was back to the time when my mother would tuck me into bed, and say goodnight, and I love yous. Now, I tuck myself into bed, and my mother just stays in her room. When I leave the bathroom and go through her room to get to my room, all we really say is goodnight.

Before that, yesterday, I remenisced about playing in the snow with my brother, pestering him until he would give in and we'd go outside and sled and build snowmen and throw snowballs and make snow angels. Now, he doesn't even live with my family anymore. I don't have anyone to pester to go outside to play. I think this is the first school year I've ever had that I haven't gone out to play in the snow. It saddens me...

I wish it was the past, when my my first friend, who I will refer to as C., lived nearby. We used to be almost in walking distance of each other. Then she moved far away, and it's a long drive to her house, and I hardly see her anymore. Then also, there were the 3 friends I met through her. I will refer to them as T., J., and H. . T. and J. are siblings, which is lucky, since they're close to each other in age and therefore they probably won't be left behind by each other. H. has a sibling too, who was born a little while ago. I've grown closer to T. J. and C. despite their all moving away to pretty much the same spot, in easy walking distance of each other. I'm envious, though, that they get to be so close to each other, and I'm so far away and so friendless. H., though she lives near me, I feel is sort of drifting away from me... Her interests are mostly far from mine, and although we generally have fun playing together, I don't really feel the same connection to her that I feel to C. and J. and T. . And then I have one more real friend, and I shall refer to her as A. Most of you probably will refer to her as Alanna on blogspot. She's one of the few friends I can really really trust with everything. She is able to feel empathy towards me, I think, presumably because she's also rather angsty often. We also enjoy a lot of the same series of books, and we are both people who enjoy fantasy and angst... and a certain something else on fanfiction that is probably not acceptable to write here. Especially considering I'm only a seventh grader. Heh.

There's so much more I want to type, but I'll leave it for later... if anyone other than Alanna reads this, I'm glad you did, and I'm glad you somehow managed to find this even though I didn't tell you. I told Alanna about this, and I'm fairly certain she's the only person who will be reading this. Ja ne.